So, it's a long one, took me quite a while to write, but I think it may well be a goody. Let's hope so. Enjoy!
Toxic People (or: Asshats) by Mackinley Clevinger, January 25, 2016
It is truly amazing what humanity is capable of. Within structured groups of like-minded people, we are capable of advancing technological research and assembling devices of such complexity and power that we were able to move men from this Earth, put them on the moon, and bring them back safely. On our own, we are capable of such selflessness and random acts of kindness to our fellow man without the barest hint or expectation of rewards or returns that it would, to use a proverb, make a saint envious. Within or without our small communities, we are able to take our passions and interests to create beautiful works of art, devices of incredible technical skill, and anything else the mind can imagine.
The singular capabilities of mankind are astounding, and the nature of many to support and aid one another in these ventures is a wonderful thing to behold. Thousands of stories exist wherein people struggled for months or years to finish a project that would go on to take the world by storm, delighting thousands in the theatres, in every-day life, or in the comfort of their own home. Behind many of these achievements stand proud, strong people who gave all they had to make their dreams a reality, each with their own story of trial by fire in the fulfillment of the task they set themselves on.
And then there are asshats who seem to exist solely to destroy this. To doubt the capabilities of their brethren, not as critique or to aid, but to hold them back from reaching their full potential. People who plant seeds of doubt in the minds of those making progress, becoming that little voice in our heads that tell us there’s no point trying, we’ll probably fail.
I make them out to be quite malicious in what they do, but largely that isn’t the case. It’s second nature to many people to ‘play it safe’, and they’re more than willing to share that kind of belief with anyone they meet. Playing it safe, however, is how someone spends thirty years in a job they hate because the pay’s alright, and spend their last moments thinking of all the things they wish they had done. Playing it safe does not allow humans to do all the things we are capable of, to go to the places and experience the life we want to live but are too afraid to take a chance on. It keeps us at home underneath the covers when there is an entire world for us to discover, not blocked by happenstance or a too-small paycheck, but by the walls we put between us and what we truly want out of our one life.
People who tell you to play it safe aren’t trying to limit our potential, they think they’re helping us and are doing so in a way that actually hurts us. They are the people who look at the amazing things other people have created or are in the progress of completing, and they don’t believe they exist on that same level. Being on that world-scale, the things you create being viewed or used by millions, is something that they can't comprehend. They can’t imagine themselves being in that position, so they segment the world into two categories. Us and them. People destined for greatness who are admired and known by everyone, and then normal people. They believe there’s reality, made up of a regular job and regular people, and then this entire other plane of existence where things are madly different, and can only be entered through means unavailable to them.
They figure that the best thing to do is to play the game as they see it, get increasingly ‘better’ jobs until you can retire and then finally do whatever it is you actually want to do with your life. They see the game as the size of the town or city where they live, forays outside of that area and the regular doings they were raised to expect not a part of what’s important, and they impose that belief on their friends and acquaintances when they think we’ve lost focus on what’s important: Playing the game.
They don’t understand that we all start in the same place. Having money doesn’t mean you’ll do anything significant with what you have, and being born in a poor socioeconomic area doesn’t mean you’re destined to stay there. We all start at step one and walk a different path, that’s where the differences come from. They think someone or something came along and swept up others to greatness, and that without similar circumstances, everyone belongs at the same base-level and can’t possibly achieve similar greatness, so why try?
It’s understandable, but still wrong. In trying to align the world around them with how they view it, they actively suppress the instinct to aspire to greater and better things in themselves and everyone around them. This view can, of course, change over time when the realization is made that anyone can do anything if they’re willing to try. Those trying to do something great with their lives need to ignore them when they tell us to ‘get real’ or try to help us by bringing us back to Earth when we belong in the stars. Maybe by staying true to ourselves, we’ll give them the boost they need to realize that they can follow their passion too, and don’t have to play the game as they once knew it.
Now, that is the more understandable and sympathetic kind of individual who stands in the way of people trying to achieve something amazing with their lives; they’re trying to help and not realizing that they’re actually hurting. If that were the only manner of person that wasn’t on board with promoting the wonderful things humanity can do, then the world wouldn’t meet nearly as much resistance as it typically does whenever something new or wonderful comes along. If you will forgive the poetical nature of this, there lies a darkness in the hearts of many that leads them to seek out those achieving greatness and try to cripple them, break their spirit, and reduce their dream to ashes.
This manner of individual is the asshat I referred to earlier. These people are glitches, a virus in society that serve only the purpose of finding people enjoying their lives and making something wonderful out of their passion, and hurting them. They take the things a person loves and they try to make them hate it, or make themselves believe they can’t or shouldn’t enjoy it. They try to make anyone they meet that is excited, enamored, or just plain-happy as miserable and against whatever it was that made them feel as such.
We likely all know people like this; they are the bullies, the internet trolls, the people who halt debates about important things by spreading misinformation and turning a valid argument into mud-slinging on both sides. They seem to want nothing more than to cause misery and bring everybody down to ground so that nobody is above them, and the fact that they managed to do it means in their own little world that they are superior to everyone they hurt.
These people have always existed, but the advent of the internet and numerous social media sites that guarantee an impenetrable wall between you and your target has allowed this manner of individual to flourish and cause immense pain. They can take the thing you hold most precious, the thing you painstakingly created, the thing you put your heart and soul into; and in one hundred and forty characters or less make you doubt that it’s any good.
It seems an obvious response to this: just ignore them. That’s not how the human mind works, however. It can’t let it go, in most cases, and despite a hundred compliments, one bitter complaint will lodge itself in your head and never leave. It is a testament to the human will that we are capable of forging on despite the amount of hate we are capable of receiving, directed at both our work and at ourselves by people who are, effectively, complete strangers.
There is an emotion that drives these people, one that is responsible for acts of cruelty throughout all of human history: Jealousy. They see the wonders others have made, they see the acts of greatness they’ve performed, and then they look at themselves and their unfulfilled dreams. Some people are inspired, and turn their lives around to place themselves among the great, while others become resentful of the people who have what they want, and spend the time they could be using to further themselves to instead send bile and hate at people doing what they love. Their lives are unfulfilled, spent spreading hate and trying to tear down what others have made. They take the same potential and abilities that every human possesses, and they throw it away in their spite.
This kind of behavior is much more common on the internet than it is in real life, because they fear retribution. They know that what they’re doing is wrong (that’s why they’re doing it,) and if they ever met you face to face they would likely never say any of the things they feel wholly comfortable telling you anonymously, or from so far away that it doesn’t matter you know their name, you’re not going to be able to do anything about it besides writing a message back.
Due to the distance from their target, it takes away the threat and the reminder that they are talking to a human. This, coupled with the jealousy they feel at being reminded that they have failed to reach their goals while somebody else has, gives them the feeling that they are right in what they do. They think that constant harassment and abuse is something that everybody who gets any level of fame deserves, and it’s just part of the job. It’s the price of fame, having thousands of people try to tear you down because you did something you loved and used it to entertain or interest others.
Then people who aren’t actively hurting these people say the same thing. It’s part of the job, dealing with it. The people who hate on anyone with a modicum of fame has become accepted by society, it’s expected to happen, and considered a sort of rite of initiation for those who have elevated themselves in such a way as to come into contact with a larger audience. These people are not critics, they are not trying to help you develop, they are not just how things are; they are a blight on the human race, and we’ve accepted them, much to our folly.
Everyone begins their life’s adventure with the same approach of not knowing what to do or how they were going to accomplish vague goals. We all had dreams and aspirations, we were all going to save the world and do something grand and wonderful. Some of us didn’t. Some of us gave up when it got hard. Some of us were victorious, and you know their names like you knew them as people instead of celebrities, while too many of us looked at the challenges ahead of us if we wanted to get anywhere, looked at the people waiting to receive us when we won, and turned around to take a darker path.
We all have a gift, and it is a painful one. One life. There will be people who tell us how to live that one life, and sometimes they’re helpful, sometimes they get in the way without meaning to. There will be people who support us in the tumultuous paths we walk, and they march right beside us through every struggle and painful journey we make. There will be people who throw stones, who tell us to turn back, to give up, that our life is worthless and shouldn’t try to do the things we want it to do. There will be guides, companions, friends, family, and opponents. These people will enter and leave our lives, and will always have something to say to us, good or bad.
It’s our responsibility to parse through what we hear and realize when it’s constructive and useful to our lives, and when it plants a voice that breeds complacency and self-doubt. We have to look behind the voices we hear and look at the person saying it. Understand them and where they’re coming from, and then re-examine what they said. Sometimes you’ll hear good, honest critique, and other times you’ll just hear the only thing that comes out of an asshat. We all know which to listen to.